time

it is time i picked this thing up again. i am sitting in the darkness of my room in my mother's apartment, 448 am, unable to sleep in spite of having driven some seven hundred miles through the mountains today (yesterday?). i am somewhat delirious and more drowsy than all drowsy, but too busy thinking to sleep.

the last times i wrote in this, i was a few months younger. in a very different place. there was that small blonde girl to worry abt. i hadn't heard from any schools. there will always be women who catch my attns. and now, i've signed my near-future away to the iowa writers' workshop, having also gotten into columbia, sarah lawrence and san francisco. i've even already passed through the terrain of frantic worries over am-i-good-enoughs. i'm more than prepared; i may actually be confident. at least, i want more than anything right now to get even better than i may perhaps be. i want challenge, bold and hot on my tongue. i feel readiness like statue grown up in the marrow of my bones. fuck chisels. this one be grown in earth, stone, in earth.

i am going to return to this blog. i'm still not sure how i feel about the nomdeplume i gave myself abt half a yr ago now. i like the name, really, but i'm uncertain abt it's purpose. it has many purposes, but what purpose would my given name then have, at least in the yrs yrs to come?

granted my worries are always petty. at least, you know, whilst holding several universes in one fist like an orbing dandelion. we can never really know.